Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
