:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
