drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
