winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
