i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
