Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
