You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
