Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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