I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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