I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
