Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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