Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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