All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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