Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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