I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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