I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
