I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
