Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
