Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
