I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
