It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
