And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
