in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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