peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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