Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
