If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
