barbara walters just said penis...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Alive.
So much puke
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
