ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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