...so i touched it.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
