My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
...so i touched it.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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