I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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