im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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