Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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