I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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