Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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