hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
