evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he puts the penis in happiness.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
