i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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