hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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