Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
