and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I've blown a few things in my day
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
