Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
