Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
