I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
