week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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