I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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