My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
