Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
