I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
