My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
