i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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