is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
you made out with another girl for some wings
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