Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
