i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
