so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
