I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
