Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
