he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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